An Effortless Return

 An effortless return to the United States in the time of Covid

(or, how I became a spurious trailer-living carnie)

(or, how I found family in my circus community)

There is a place, not too far away, on an open section of farmland, or in a large parking lot, or in a warehouse in the middle of your city, or tucked into a nook of a 400 acre buddhist monastery in the hills of northern San Diego. It is a place that is full of life, astonishment, laughter, and spectacle. It is a place of escape. Not a lazy escape on a tourist beach with a sunburn and a mocktail, but an escape of challenge and fascination, performance and training, and quite a bit of clowning. A place where an apparent defiance of physics happens, where people are silly and serious at the same time, and where they throw caution to the wind with a laugh and a trick as they fly through the air.

This place isn’t for everyone. It is for those who thrill in new experiences and in testing the limits of physical and mental endurance and ability. It is also for those who enjoy watching others test those limits. For everyone else, there is a beach chair waiting with their name on it. There is a thrilling place like this near you, I’m sure. I’m sure because these kinds of “hot-dogging” luminary performers are everywhere in the world. I’m not going to tell you about all of them because I don't know all of them. I’m only going to tell you about the one I know. The people, and this place they have built are difficult to separate because it is more than just the location, it is their disposition and their heart. And mine too. This place is Trapeze High in Escondido California.

Even as I sit here, self-quarantined, watching them swing and laugh and comment, critique, and generally playfully harass each other on this beautiful spring afternoon… even as I watch this I know they are escaping their own difficulties being in one of the hardest Covid-hit industries. The performance arts have arguably suffered the most these last couple years and that is why the way in which they came together (6 feet apart of course) to help each other is so amazing. And without hesitation they helped me too.  

Trapeze High isn’t a new place for me. Years ago, when I had been recovering from a motorcycle accident and a broken relationship, I discovered Trapeze High. The physical challenge and the emotional support that flying trapeze offered gave me back balance and confidence and an encouragement in the yells of “Listo - HEP!”. That kind of encouragement can be found nowhere else. I first began flying at Trapeze High when the owner/instructor was the beautifully abrasive Ringmaster by the name of David Ayers. He had, and has, as much salt and vinegar in his personality as sugar and honey. And he had as much purple hair in his tophat as kindness in his heart. The purple is gone now but the kindness remains, although it still hides behind that salt and vinegar personality. I remember him constantly berating students and flyers, yelling criticisms (mostly good humored) and occasionally cursing at the worst performances resulting in the gentler-dispositioned flyers to break down in tears. He ran the flying trapeze school as a make-or-break for those wanting to become real circus performers. As a contrast to this hard style teaching he would also motivate and encourage those who needed it, sometimes even those who cried. The reaction you received from Dave was not correlated on your flying skill but on the effort and attitude you brought to the experience. If you tried, really gave it your best... if you made all the effort then no matter how well you flew he would be there pushing to keep you going. I flew for more than a year but reached my flying limits fairly quickly. And so, about three years ago I decided to explore in the opposite direction and began testing my underwater scuba-diving limits in Thailand.

At about the same time I was switching sports from heights to depths the ownership of Trapeze High was switching from wild purple-haired brusqueness to conventional, civilized circus instruction with a performance troupe returning from Japan. Jeremy and Harmony of the “Flying Chutes” and their international, professional circus family came to run the show. The new, gentler instruction style of Jeremy and Harmony was in stark contrast to the rougher, wilder Dave. There remained a tone of seriousness... just minus the occasional crying. I don’t know which style made for better circus athletes, but for ordinary accessibility the soft gloves made for better Google reviews. Social media can be a cruel mistress. I didn't have more than a couple weeks of interaction with Jeremy and Harmony before I decided to leave for Thailand and tropical waters.

Even with such a short interaction making me nearly a stranger to them I was welcomed back in April when my fathers death and mothers circumstances required me to leave my home in Thailand and also simultaneously left me without a home back here in the USA. I really don’t know what I would have done, both financially and emotionally without the generosity and hospitality of Dave, Lindsay, Jeremy, and Harmony… and every other carnie who was there to support me. 

I arrived at Trapeze High, then I quarantined. Then I helped how I could with gardening, various work projects, and other such general chores and odd jobs around the property... while all of us just waited for the show to begin again. However, all those odd jobs don't come close to repaying their kindness. This isn’t really a story about Trapeze High, this is a story about everyone all over the country, all over the world, supporting each other when times are tough. It is more than a story. It is a request. It is a request to pay it forward because this isn’t about me at all, it is about helping those who need it, wherever they are and whatever they do. It is up to us to take care of each other.

There are experiences in life, and then there are moments that are part of you, experiences that change you and shift your perspectives on what community is, what it takes to belong, and shows you first hand that how you do anything is how you do everything. That is this story. It is titled “An effortless return...” because in flying trapeze the accomplishment is not just in the swing; in the movement of life through the void of space between places, but also equally, maybe even more so, in the return to the platform. Even if the trick is fumbled, the return if effortless, can redeem the moment. The skill and support of not just the flyer but of everyone who worked to make that moment smooth is shown in that final moment. I landed back in the United States and it only looked effortless because I had the support of all these beautiful, wonderful people (carnies) who made a net to keep me from falling. 

Update:

Trapeze High has recently reopened and so it seems the show has begun again. The rest is up to us.

NOTE: Carnie is short for carnival helper and in common usage is a derogatory term that reflects poorly on people working in the circus arts because of its negative association with unscrupulous and nefarious travelling businessmen over a century ago. That association is not the case today. I would much prefer another word to describe this group of free-spirited artists who are in or behind the spotlight, those who choose to live in the wonderful world of daring-do and spectacle; something akin to “circus helping hand” but more concise. I researched other alternatives and found scamps, kirks, and cirkies, but those just don’t do it. On urbandictionary I found hickaboos, carnachans, and Mr. Tickles… which I think you can agree are insufficient alternatives. I also looked into other languages, however the French word for carnival is carnaval, and the Japanese word for carnival is kanibaru. Almost all other languages have similar spelling/pronunciations of carnival with the exceptions of Luxembourgish: fuesent, Maori: taiopenga, Zulu: zomkhosi.

Clearly I found no good substitutions for carnival and so, in keeping with the movement to reclaim the swastika to its original association of auspiciousness and good luck I would like to have a rehabilitation of the term carnie with a positive association to hardworking, independent, trustworthy people in the employ of respectable enterprises. These people should be given the recognition and courtesy that reflects their energetic passion and spirit of accomplishment second to none.