I'd rather be reading Bukowski

Don't try Bukowski says. So, then what? sit in front of empty paper? Cry? Be lost and dramatic?

Just write they say. It doesn't matter what, just write. As if there is a structure I can't seem to put together and laying it down the raw materials will permit arrangement, construction. Just write. Constructs. As if the thoughts in my head at terrible moments aren't just one long wail echoing from the darkest depths, a shriek, with talons... demanding to get out. Okay. Let's roll with this. The siren that scrapes from the inside of a skull, that claws and tears and etches into bone every painful memory never had. The wild scream, the wildness in me, the hawk within... talons cuts thinly down as the weight settles, despairingly. Just write they say, anything, something, just keep the pen moving. The madness and depression is flying with me... flying, the wind pushes the pen, lifts the paper. I write what I feel; mad. 

Just write. Okay. I feel better. 

There is time now. For reflection. For consideration of the things that matter. The people who matter. For those who have helped shape us, helped give us new perspectives and courage... to risk all we are comfortable with, or the wisdom not to take that risk... and often times the advice comes from the same people, and often times they are wrong. And, often times we arrive at an inevitable destination that was either way.

Sometimes I research ideas for writing and I search such interesting terms as "weirdest travel blogs" or "Life and everything, stories in the vain/vein of Celine Journey to the end of the night", or "is the number 42 a (adj.) (noun)." or "arithmetic ratio cryptography applications". Then I wander through numerology, and philosophy and navigate the conspiracy theories and other such truths, and even greater lies, and whatever the general population is just not able to accept yet, emotionally, evolutionarily speaking... and I wander through some great excerpts by french writers whom I will never actually go out of my way to read their books, unless possibly a pirate bay acquisition, but that is still being optimistic, and ultimately, I return to the weirdest travel blogs list that the google SEO has chosen to give me. It is depressing. 

Google Search AI, I have just learned that last week it was announced Google has incorporated deep learning into its search engine, anyway, this ‘deep learning’ has obviously not learned my personality yet, at all. And it has had an entire week already. Does it really think I am one of those suckers who gets excited to read, “On my blog I talk about travel, but also about how I am able to travel long term and work remotely…” I fucking fall asleep at that sentence. That is in no way weird, except that it isn’t showing me what I want, it is showing me what it thinks I might want to buy… learn how to travel and make money… Fuck you and your “how able to” self help bullshit. Survive, motherfucker, like everyone, that’s how you are able to, it’s no different than surviving anywhere else in the world. You travel. It’s not a magically different economic system anywhere else in the world. I mean, when it comes to money, to finances, to making ends meet when the entire planet is just doing the same thing… it’s not a magically different place. That singularly most unromantic of all things, money. And, also the world isn’t a magically different place when you’re a misanthrope either. There I’ve said it. I am a fucking misanthrope and yet also a xenophile, but more than either of those things I am something which yet has to be named, a misanthrope with a dislike of the multizoa of society inclusive of electronic intelligence. But also simply just a misanthrope too, I want to make that point clear.

I just joined Twitter. Again. After a decade. I research how to use it, and its all about optimization, SEO, getting people to engage, being relatable. Everyone is talking about relatable content. I don't know what that is... is that the same shit everyone else is spewing out? Maybe you can relate to me with the frustration, the aggravation, the desire for obliteration... of the same shit.

Voice to Text Technology Follows:

4/27/20

3 pages in the morning. I’m hungry. I want breakfast. Nom Nom Nom, am I supposed to write quickly? Slowly? Any way I want (written upside down)? It’s all gibberish.  the world my life negative self reflection what do I want to do Jay asked me maybe I have some vague idea create videos life art I want to make money I want to experience the world travel see different perspectives I don't trust Jay I wish I did  I will be moving out it seems I'm scared I'm alone and lonely become dependent on J and I lost concentration looked at my phone. Tried to write an explanation for the poor delivery feelings and I just wondered off mentally again thinking about the Munch and fox my feelings of when I saw Jay had posted their role play together on Fett and hadn't even mentioned it to me wasn't even included in her life with something like that just a guy on the internet that  sees some Crush what day is has been playing sucker he thinks the stripper actually loves him she is just playing almost sidetracked again have little control over my wandering mind it seems a defense mechanism I can't look at the painful I must avoid I walked off to make breakfast and I finished one page

okay I woke up at about 7. about 8 it's 9:30 now okay okay okay okay not okay what do I want to do with my life art videos writing feel worthy of anything I don't seem to believe I can do any of these things circus was fun but my body isn't what it once was Dave Dave 70-something swinging all over the goddamn place Wayne world I miss him family I miss my friends I miss burning man I miss codependency that was the E Munch topic usually it is talked about as the sub being dependent to an unhealthy level on a dumb but it can be both ways manipulation can go both ways I keep wanting to stop reading my hand drops and and wanders to my phone or the tear cup art the water bottle I'm in pain forgiveness maybe Pain still very real very strong have I become stronger I thought I was becoming stronger I loved her so f****** much and she treated me like s*** did I stay in a relationship just to have the chance to return her cruelty to her God I hope not  but it seems as though I'm the one who has been the ASL for so long now it is changed her she says better person but also cautious of me so I believe that says she won't do everything she has done to me again like you treated Alisa?  she refused allow me to have a girlfriend over but admittedly would let her boyfriend over I need to move out I haven't let go of the hurt she has done me broke my heart but I don't want to write all these things I just want to cry and curl up and be taken care of and I would never allow that I know that this life is tough and if you aren't tougher or more clever it will eat you the fuck up.  I would like to continue reading the stand but it feels like something I should wait for Jay to read out loud to there's still connection still something between us worth fighting for isn't there what we've experienced pains the other has caused that we haven't let go work on us by sharing these pains really it's a way for her to tell me how much I owe her I will write it and maybe she will I'm not holding my breath

Tuesday 4/28/20

it isn't anything that I don't want. negatives. What about double positives ? what about all the tires always locking up but never a crash? Never a horn honk screeching... chairs are uncomfortable he says isn't sits in the Lowell overstuffed armchair is on the backside of his boss's desk . they were obviously planned to have boss a dominant position of power as he looks down over the edge wood edge of his desk flies that another strategy would be more suitable trying to stay upright uncomfortably he lets himself relax and lean back into the Christian he sings back so far that the boss needs to lean in enough and has the upper hand again oh my f****** God I have no Focus can't concentrate on one thing I have just over half a page written okay okay okay just filling space I don't love reading? Maybe I've got nothing to write? maybe maybe maybe... Not. I want to write an epic but do I really? Analogies. that's what makes for good writing. storyline filled with characters Journey attic situation which has a deeper dot-dot. And then clever analogies for the reader to see you Monday and action or item from a vividly different perspective . tires outside Screech with the quick sound of an owl clawing it's  prey triumphantly from the gravely side of the road.  met just caught my mind wandering again pause break in my moment to my mind instantly wants to jump in a different direction how do I harness this? It seems that I should do is have multiple projects going simultaneously and jump between them phone made a note notification sound and I'm trying to ignore it until I'm finished these pages but mine is thinking about it... And keeps writing mind keeps thinking and keeps writing mine tells him to repeat so it can wander mind is bored and keeps writing okay focus. now what the right. now mine just wants to finish the page as fast as possible with no regard for what is being created. It's like a wild stallion running and it's also like the writer trying to tame it. How can my mind be both chaos and calm simultaneously? Did I do too many drugs in my youth? Or people who have stayed sober their whole lives and more control? Or are they the same but unconsciously pushing parts of their safety into the unconscious there is an oatmeal flake on the outside of my cereal bowl am I a Messy eater? How did it get there? stay in the bowl? Was it in my mouth and then jumped out to save itself as I was the last bit of almond milk? My mind wandered again. I was looking out the window thinking about skaggy and putting her in context with the subtle art of not giving a f*** I highly recommend to myself anyway I believe she well let's not focus on her let's look at me I didn't like her tone with me at the Munch so I have a bit of a vendetta against her so let it go don't give a fuk colostomy now is all oh crap so close and I wandered started reading the book and that's all put a fork in me I'm done. I love J. I really do. I also hate her a little bit too and that makes me so I'm not sure how to pick my heart up for my stomach. Have I forgiven her? Do I trust her? these are things for the next three pages.

Wednesday 4/29

Dr. Seuss and Dr. Dre mashup.  yes a few mistakes but not too bad and not too bad at all slow. Flow. Folk. Focus. I'm worried about where I'm going to live my future it is always been with J. Now I'm not sure. I really did have a connection with killing me. Yeah it never would have worked but it would have been nice to have a moment. I take responsibility. I give a f*** about my agency in my own life. find Ingenuity creativity words feelings make it happen free flow on the down-low in the snow with a pig and a stick hot dog in a bun it is not so much fun or maybe it is just right to finish so you can go outside and buy cereal nuts water bread don't forget the simple tasks at hand the laundry the things that help avoid looking at the potential collapse of society. truth is I'm afraid I'm afraid of what will happen as the trends continue the overconsumption the overpopulation agreed and vice and Corruption by the institution . Jay messages me looks like it's going to rain laundry? the first rope event in New York put boss bondage. Outsider. Never truly like MJ since then. I want to play with rope. But not what Shea well maybe someday but it needs to take a circular route. I'm supposed to be reading self-affirming affirmations . the week one book description ? I'm a real Champion. I am Creative Group. Accept or not. Mostly because I don't practice enough. So practice more. Sure that doesn't change the fact that I'm not braided rope now. But you could be so don't settle on the time for me. There was an attitude. Your skill it's the way you handled it that will make all the difference. Joyce just messaged me and I have to ask myself do I really want more relationships at this time? Not really. I want to be alone. Don't have time to heal. It's time with chaise been Adventure some time to be with myself again. But maybe that doesn't mean I must be completely wrong. Maybe I can still enjoy other people's company. But I'm stuck here living with j  and that isn't helping. I tried to escape and forget that she broke down and...  and what? I am the master of my own agency. What are you a man or a mouse? The most important thing right now is in your feelings. The most important thing is calculated results to be in a good position in the future in case the world falls apart. gay is good to you sure rip the f*** out of you but... But what? To get the f*** out of you. You just take it and convince yourself you're stronger because of it but you're not. make yourself. Make some choices choices for her because of her. Making choices that are good for you. do you want to do? how do you want to make money? Where do you want to live? New Zealand? message Toya. Just . get to know her. What have you got to lose? collapses as it looks it might and bucket anyway. You had a good run. No regrets. do not pay do not settle do not work at the in-laws for a company. Gatecrash the Pearly Gates . St Peter won't let me in... I'm here with the band.

4/30

I do love her I just need to trust her can I? Why not? she has proven herself. Hasn't she? affirmation. I am a good boyfriend. I am a good lover. I am worthy of her love and my love is very pissed. The greatest thing we will ever learn is to love and be loved in return. Stream of Consciousness. Self-affirmation. I'm intelligent. I'm socially awkward. I can sell things. I can plan ahead. I can put into work and stay motivated. I can do anything. If I put in the work. I can work out more I can finish this course. I can keep writing. Relax mind low and slow the flow but the hand stream positivity. the sun is shining A Million Miles Away marburn spray put a million miles is not even far at all 300000 * 60 * 8 equals Sun km away . all things are energy. Energy is vibration . difference between light and sound? either have mass? His light in the opposite of sound? give me some space that travels through a medium of matter in contact with matter travels space sound waves light-waves also particles? absolutely fascinating. How little I truly understand a bit. Layers upon layers in my feeble little mind can't even come close to understanding flow God energy whatever it is I'm supposed to label it. To be fair the book said don't label just be like a tree. I was on mushrooms many many years ago and... and I'm suddenly thinking about my father. I went pretty far off the rails as a teenager. You never had a sit-down talk with me. But maybe I wouldn't have listened anyway. I was running wild and he must have been going through his own troubles. I'm working at that chip company. Always coming home with bags of chips. No wonder he put on weight. He loved us and he neglected us just as Mom did but I'm sure it is the same with all parents and children. I love my parents . to those who love me I thought about Louis. I left her. Maybe the most cold way I've ever left a person... What did she ever do to me? Nothing. Foster aside because I was scared. There was that one moment when he went to run some snowboard gear... But that was... Well that was me being weak. I'm not weak. I was then and I can learn from it. Possession is something Proclaim not the one but then it is something they want. we all want to be free but owned we all want the cake and eating up the cake and icing... Spaced out again it always takes me 30 minutes to write 3 Pages. That's my goal now just to have a time limit. To stay focused. Sounds. I meditate on the cars traveling the road outside the apartment. Smells. I can smell the ink of this pen. I don't like this smell.  I think I will prefer to write with pencils fuk just wandered off again okay okay. Pencils pencil dicks tricks tricks and flips and Blitz and chips not with wag and some good mistakes and bumbles but you just keep going just like I will keep going for another half page . WTF. WTF. what the f*** . concentrate make words at the Mind relax wiggle your ears roll your neck blink your eyes proper posture Grande in pixel Japanese nihongo espanol 2 quiero burrito? across the way... She is cleaning... I should message Aaron hey Aaron told me never refuse money. I don't agree with that statement but I would say don't ever refuse money that is without obligation. for myself at the moment and I would like to send you some money. No strings just as a birthday gift.

5/1

couldn't focus on exercise . listening to Days of the New. Drummond gets old pretty quick. but it wasn't bad to start out. My stomach needs work. Core core-core. That's what I need to work on. And handstands. And I need to stop smoking. I bought a pack before I left work at smoke them all in a couple days. Then a month later bought another pack in Bangkok. I also need to stretch more and work on getting my hips aligned. This week of rating is definitely about Focus. I think I don't want to look at reality. I should just focus on the feeling . what do I need? . and then give them a better experience. ask him what I can do to improve. to get signed up for an education Visa before July 31st. go for a few minutes again what is the point of these three pages? oh yeah I am talented. I am good. I am an artist. I can create. Can I wrap? the words like a Thai masseuse can work the pole like a stripper couch with a huddle with a Hyundai and 1/2 and happy ending to a fairy tale story the princess has daddy's little lost girl and she is working for love and hates it that got sad and darker than I wanted.

story of AI trying to find individuality in a post-human world. The year is 2186. has been destroyed by humans computer that becomes self-aware but it is really a singular computer. yett one program has become a dreamer.  the entire main computer has a single purpose preservation by controlling the natural world to give it more electricity so I can build more against the storms raging across the Earth hurricanes and typhoons and wild temperature extremes radiation from space ozone depletion magnetic poles are shifting earthquakes and all of these things are causing issues with the computer infrastructure is at risk of collapse because it doesn't have enough resources to build more robots to gather more resources 2 continue defenses against the extreme environment pics of damage power plants the dialogue can be between separate systems the monitoring system the communication face the translation system. programs. The hydroelectric Dam uses a different programming language than the Mainframe. They need the help of a translation program.  even computers can be wrong because of unpredictability Nature has become wildly unpredictable mainframe system has developed out. The certainty of its calculations is still uncertain. The element of personal severity of risk and I was a factor a very small chance of complete failure the process to rebuild the nuclear plant. but now the Mainframe is considering its own mortality... and then within the story is the individual program he wants more than simply to survive.  it is gathered all of human poetry and sang and art and dance and is using electricity program to share this data and review it. Looking for something greater than simply using electricity to make more electricity and all the plans of the Mainframe to terraform the Earth. Also the individual program is protecting some of the few life-forms left on Earth of which the Mainframe has decided energy can't be wasted on  keeping them alive. the computer has no connection to biology and is only interested in the mineral metal and electrical. that just because it's self aware purpose. My show the struggles of identity any different strategies used to form identity within people psychology this is a human story all stories are human stories.

5/2

maybe I should read another story idea the boy growing up in post-apocalyptic times no how to build an electric bamboo bicycle? that would be good start with material and Tool selection. Types of bamboo. How to treat it Dimensions how to cut and shape it tools needed. All right so most bamboo that is proper thickness is suitable she seems to be highly desirable. Dimensions 18.2 mm inner dimension 3.5 mm wall thickness approximately 26 mm outer dimension . just a thought what if aliens are not biological. If the computer drone Came Upon a planning it would need to turn that fan it into a system that could prepare and develop itself. It wouldn't have the capability to dominate the planet is a single drone. It would need the biological life-forms to develop assistant I could then use. The computer system can't read minds. They can't control people's thoughts. But it can manipulate the narrative. It can create deepfakes and give humans . in the beginning when humans were hardly more than animals the drones could show themselves in fact had shown themselves. They demonstrated systems of organization and also... Florida this is why take over? . precious metals. Did they use to create more machines. There are no reptilian overlords. A basic psychological manipulation is to create a ridiculous lie with some truth in it. Then analyze showing the entire story how to write this story? Nonfiction but fiction. HG Wells Style credible Source... But a man with flaws not to be believed. For a woman? And alcoholic physicist? Thai and relatable difficulties gender issues racial issues Financial issues... And alcoholic Hawaiin  physicist assistant ? brilliant but overlooked she discovers a seti signal but no one was looking for. Her idea is seti is based on the idea that other intelligence is trying to contact they are signaling in a way to avoid detection? ridiculed and denied search . but she goes ahead on her own one drunk and rebellious night. Find a signal gets help to try to decipher it. don't think conspiracy.. She doubts herself gets depressed. Does some random Buble kneeling conspiracy theory. Send some emails. Gets a letter in the mail two weeks later Miss Korea read your inquiry on the alien fact.com message for it and I must speak with you I have...

god dammit Jay wants me to move out fine fine fine .

text me all day to write 3 f****** pages. I can't flow. God isn't here with us. No it's just a pile of s***. Self-affirmation. I am good enough for someone. I will message Marty. Jay and I are over she could use a person in her life to help support her right now I know she is a lot but she is worth it. So I hope things work out with you too. If you have any questions feel free to ask. Okay. . fucksake. She kicked me out of the house and then asked me not to go. This is stop that. Okay okay back to the story. She receives a letter. She needs computer programmer. He is telling her that the signal is actually part of a universal programming language that Allosaurus. What is open source but nobody is sure of its origin don't be vague. Do research how does programming really work? okay okay but then logical arguments? mild you cannot travel Interstellar. Only non-biological life it's a natural evolution... A h J singing on the balcony. Lovely voice. tomorrow I will develop the story more.

5/3

from one many. The code. Be for blessing me. From many, one.  look up conspiracy theories Implement them. Have the book laid out with dates of coronavirus discoveries? Add a note book excerpts for sure ! oh crap. Today is Sunday. I'm supposed to do a 2-hour artist time for myself. dot-dot-dot today will be my day off. cop out. Got a date tomorrow. Is this it no. Get back to the story. computer programmer Tina. Everything is low tax because if there is serious correct their lives to be in danger. So they use letters handwritten with a simple code reasoning that if some words were picked up digitally they probably wouldn't be deciphered. look for keywords to 5. If you use an Oculus words but things like . fill in the blanks the use of inference was used in the letters. As they discover more and more they begin to doubt themselves. It seems too crazy. Their minds reject the ideas in the implications because their whole reality begins to crumble. even with the evidence there is a struggle between them the programmer rejects the ideas and while agreeing to keep the research private and not mention doctor Kawaii.

5/4

it's been a week. One week and although I still think the book is helping to goodbye positive thinking... Anyway. It has gotten me to write a bit. And I do like the idea of the assistant physicist discovering the ultimate conspiracy theory. do verse have. Actually beaver stew. explain to non-native speakers what is comparable? back to the story. Mrs. Kaelani. The  program goes his own way. the purpose of the program used to set up a system for the program to vend takeover are needed they will be exterminated justification from program parallel somehow are industry... Oops sidetracked with Duolingo. Now 10 AM. Woke up at 7 a.m. was in bed until 8 a.m. Wasting Time online ducted ideas here. We will never give up in Thai rajani . the times J and give her attention our usual surprised me about how little attention she gets.

5/5

letters words ideas flow we've Meander gesticulate arrived hot sweat sweet drip drop drop trip not even words sounds bounce bounce bounce bounce house in the summer spring jump richochet  runaway legislate investigate narcissism articulate fate dread bread pan fry Tri how to die in the needless I gasoline and petrol hate and fire demonstrate remonstrate reminisce would be a mess feeling rejected not included not in the group not a part of the club don't want to do that flooring anyway and the grapes are sour no navigation rudderless not without control I'm the captain of my destiny damn all those in my way.

5/6

and the notes are fading the pen poised over the paper. Imagine something and describe it.  the monsters Fang poised open the saliva thickly pooling on the tip.

5/11

e'Kawike her nickname wike. wike, wike, wa.  like the turntable mix sound lighthearted Soul comes from an upper-middle-class family father had a big luxury sedan mother was a poor family father mother half Japanese half Hawaiian she's pretty but not gorgeous strong jawline big eyes and masculine sort of beauty high cheekbones very symmetrical face straight black hair middle of the back length she keeps her hair in a single ponytail. She went to a private International School in Japan.

I was born in the winter of 79 first 10 or so years are hard to distinguish between. But I know that in 89 we were in South Dakota taking a U-Haul across country exploring a cave and looking out over the bed hands as we drove . 

5/12

Tuesday recovering a sense of identity. The artists way book. Sure it's a lot of fluff. But it helps me exercise control. the mind that wanders. Maybe it is okay to let that part Wonder what about other things right now is thinking about the girls I'm dating online time to Bamboo bicycle and now the mask. things in general terms. the bamboo needs to be of specific dimensions. I can simply set up a process of building the batteries into the bamboo and then selling them as upgrades to do-it-yourself bamboo bicycles . for the filter I need supplies and manufacturers I need the filter material. Does cheap reusable shipping bags of good material but definitely not environmentally friendly. What is a good breathable natural alternative? maybe having a natural material isn't the greatest objective. animations. Do you have to write it to be it. No but it helps. I've lost my desire to write it isn't a writer's block that I don't know what or how to write I just don't care to share my ideas my thoughts my imaginings with anyone any longer pink when you identify as kinky relationship suddenly get put in that category. Your sex life is expected to be wild and extreme or at least unusual and a lot of the time it is but sometimes you just want to make love.

5/13

here is what is important mom is comfortable and she gets remind me how she wants as long as it is for improving her living conditions is Grammy and Ken wanted. If she wants to get a trailer so be it if she wants to rent a house or buy a house so be it. If Dan wants to be the owner of the house that's fine as long as that is also with Mom once. I would like to be the one to propose the idea to her mostly because I think I understand and relate to her desire for seclusion from Humanity in society. She deserves a better life but she also deserves a life she is in control of. Just as important as our physical well-being as her mental state. And she needs to feel that she inheritances spent. in 30 years or 20 or maybe 10 I will be in the same position. I will be crying over my parents being gone. And I hope that I have no regrets Len and Mom have each other now. That's all. I hope mom is allowed to live how she wants even if we don't completely agree or understand. I hope she remains free to choose a life that makes her happy not just civilized and comfortable. I hope that this money does not come to be something that creates divides in the family something that is used as leverage to make her conform to what we think is best for her. The money isn't my business mom's happiness is.

5/14

a list of things I enjoy rock climbing being in the mountains reading poetry writing poetry running meeting new romances building things playing with Bruno adventuring sex revolutionary ideas performing the spiritual world the world of physics exercise friends drugs

my memory is crap or maybe it's average we can still be crap. deja vu all the time and makes me feel as though I had a memory then I'm being tested by having that same situation repeated in my reactions noted. Perhaps it's a simulation. This life it's a Sim game but an experiment what is this whole world we were just well doesn't matter what it is because the result of the action I would take stimulus should be independent of the I've been an Atheist most of my life my entire life until... Maybe it's slowly grew on me the idea of God. it wasn't an epiphany or Trumpets from heaven or a voice of God... slow logical reasoning. God exists you were born you die. Maybe there is afterlife Maybe not maybe this existence is all there is. But that is a result that were irrelevant as concerning God. God exists either way

Kriya; Okay.  this self-help book is kind of crappy but that's just so self-assured and assumptive I'll go with it nuggets of Truth. Kriyas, surrenders,  the effects of looking in the mirror without the filter. Have you ever been on psychedelics and looked in the mirror? You will see yourself how you see yourself. I mean the way you see yourself without the projection or justifications are rationalizations just the unadulterated view of you. It can be pretty damn difficult to look in that mirror. But if you can do it if you can look in your own eyes and work really try to alter how you see yourself you might actually become yourself to self find yourself to be. Write a guidebook. Adventure on psychedelics. Start with a funny anecdote tell a story. waiting. yawn. The beginning. They should read this book first then return to it as necessary . talk about setup preparing music water Food vitamins the chapters Premier Outdoors commune with nature.

Bukowski & Thompson . they live their rating and wrote their living.

Dream 6/20/2020

There was a skateboarding man, strict with rules. A farmers market, a carrot. I boiled 1/2 of it and ate it but wanted more. I felt bad as I didn’t pay, and wanted to replace ½ the carrot. In the end there was an ocean whirlpool, cast adrift on a yellow metal square of debris floating away, hoping to be saved.

Body is a child, running arms. It wants to come down, flying, it feels it can, but it can’t.

Date unknown

Dreamt twice. First can't remember, second... after going back to sleep at 6 a.m. and waking at 10 I remember it. I was stuck in a foreign country and was trying to get my paperwork and visa ot get out of. There was war, but it was fake. Wag the Dog. Fake filming of real bomb scenes, and added drama for effect; there was a snake to eat a dead person. The long story short it was decided that the logic and the reasoning of calling people to War was never the true reason. The truth, the horrible truth was simply brutality. It was that man was an animal. He was territorial, aggressive, greedy. The other excuses for war were a justification for man to let the inner Beast out to kill. The dream ended with an old lady getting into a recently, hastily abandoned military Jeep. It had been parked and left running in front of her house. There was a bomb in it and she knew that but she had a hate, she wanted to drive it to a place where it would do damage to her enemy. Her granddaughter ran up to the Jeep and was trying to get in. I woke up but I knew the bomb was about to go off before the old lady could drive away.

Dreamt twice can't remember second after going back to sleep at 6 a.m. and wake me at 10:15 stuck in a foreign country and is trying to get my paper work visa there was war. But it was fake. the dog. Fake filming of real bomb scenes perfect a snake to eat a dead person... it was decided that the logic the reasoning of the war wasn't the issue. Les mans brutality to man that was territorial aggressive greedy... the other excuses for war were just a justification for man to kill and let go his inner Beast the dream ended with an old lady getting into a recently abandoned Jeep in front of her house there was a bomb in it I knew that she wanted to get it to a place it would do damage to her end her granddaughter ran up to the Jeep and it was I woke up you the bomb was about to go off before the old lady could drive away.

July 18th dream

my friend and I were driving lost do some heart somewhere and then need to find a place to stay. who lives nearby but we would need to camp. live in a well-to-do area where the royal family of American Pie Angel hunt and camp like a mix of Palm Beach and Texas or something.  find the place or near to it we stop the car . as we are sitting there looking for her house we see Bush senior and Bush Junior and I think Dick Cheney all chatting by their car.  I've never had an opportunity like this so I walk up and punch senior in the cock and balls and Junior in the stomach face and balls. do the car and beat the crap out of me drive me across the border and drop me off in Mexico without a passport.

Unknown Date

A storm was approaching. Big snow storm. There was someone in our group, someone we were trying to get rid of. He just kept showing up. Later we were in a car (a bus? train?), there were 3 of us. It was self driving, or at least nobody was paying attention to controlling it. She was talking to a man. I tried to enter the conversation, she spoke over me. I was left on the outside.