2009!

FIGHT!

In the right corner, weighing in at a buck thirty, here all the way from San Diego... the Trooper of Troopers, the King of Conundrum, the Italian Stallion; Eklektek, the Undisputed Champion of the Western United States... and sometimes Canada. Rooawr, crowd goes wild, clapping and cheering.

And in the left corner, weighing in at a gravitational force... the King of the Ring, The Krusher, The Weight of the World; Despair and Death, The Double D's, the Undisputed Champions of Life. Boo, Hissing, crowd throws rotten vegetables... rotten vegetable sales triple. Rotten vegetable salesman rejoice quietly, but pretend to boo and hiss with the rest.

Who will win in 09?! Stay tuned to find out. Just remember, "Float like a butterfly and sting like chlamydia"

ROUND ONE! 

The DoubleD's are down and the count is on! After many, many hours on the phone...over many months, and quite a few pages worth of paperwork, and threats of legal action... Well, my debt has been reduced... Down to ZERO!!! Well, the biggest bill anyway... I still owe small medical debts and student loans and other things, but they are all manageable. So fucking A 2009! You want some more?! Perhaps I shouldn't taunt 09 too much, there are still 11 more rounds to go... Well, I wasn't going to let the count run up so early in the fight... I used the last of my cash to fly one-way to Mexico City (to help a friend). Thought i would use my credit card til my student loan came in but that didn't quite work out as planned. Cashless in Mexico City is not fun. But i had friends to borrow from and eventually i got my money, made a small vacation of it, and flew back home. Mexico City had more dog crap on the sidewalks than Amsterdam and crazier drivers than India... It was awesome... in a dangerous awesome sort-of way...

ROUND TWO!

Ah, February, the month with one too many r's. February... definitely a quick double jab followed by a left hook... In fact, I believe I grabbed my left fist with my right hand and repeated slammed it into the middle of my face, but, February will make a person do that. All-in-all I am still standing strong. Thinking back through my life I could only remember one February that I truly loved, and ironically it involved a motorcycle. I realized that this is a fight I cannot win, nobody does. But I am not throwing in the towel. In fact, I can say with near certainty, that I never will. And that's all I can do, all you can do, that's all anybody can do. So, with the end of round two; the play-by-play reporting is over... so, just keep on keepin' on.

But sometimes, just sometimes there is a melancholy so deep, its depth is hard to fathom. A bottomless, abysmal, dismal, morose, really crappy, melancholic emptiness. As if all the undiscovered dark emptiness between the all the stars in the entire universe were somehow placed in my soul and I am left to wander through it without light or sound... NIN; "I still recall the taste of my tears. Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears. My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore. Scraping through my head til I dont want to sleep anymore. Come on tell me. Make this all go away. You make this all go away. I'm down to just one thing And I'm starting to scare myself. Make this all go away. You make this all go way. I just want something. I just want something I can never have You always were the one to show me how. Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now. This is slowly taking me apart. Grey would be the color... if I had a heart. I just want something I can never have. In this place it seems like such a shame. Though it all looks different now, I know its still the same. Everywhere I look you're all I see. Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be. Come on tell me. You make this all go away. You make this all go away. I'm down to just one thing. And I'm starting to scare myself. Make this all go away. You make this all go way. I just want something. I just want something I can never have. I just want something I can never have".

Alright, so that's a bit depressing, but I said sometimes I feel that way... So, as a last note: the stolen car was returned for a medium size tow and storage fee (minus a bunch of stuff, including half the interior and my biz equipment)... but now I have a convertible again; just in time for summer, hell-yeah! So, Round 2 goes to... undecided...

ROUND THREE!

Ah, so it is the end of August... it was a very long 3rd round. Now school is about to start and I have no worries. I have no vehicle because my wheels were stolen, again. Different wheels anyway, and I was in another accident... a few actually, some more fun than others (see pic below). And, while some people get all negatively excited about this kind of stuff, I am actually doing really good.

I don't care about not having a car, I am getting along just fine without one. And my accidents don't even compare to 4408. I have a decent job (pay not future) with good people, I am working for free for a few great non-profits that have potential to lead to 'real' jobs, this is my last semester of school and I am finally getting over my heartbreak. I will always love her but its time to stop wishing we might be together again and start wishing us both a happy future on our new paths. My new flatmate is completely chill about everything, and apart from his girlfriend having a roach phobia (& my apartment having an affinity for them) everything is smooth. Bruno is healthy but a super horn-dog and I am considering chopping the nuts... but we will see, he still listens and obeys commands, so until he starts running across streets he will probably keep his testicles. I am also healthy, i guess, doctors still have no idea whats wrong but I am starting to acclimatize to my situation... so... All in all... is a stupid phrase that doesn't make any sense, but all in all, everything is good and round 3 goes to me.

Prequel/Synopsis:

When it rains, it pours. When it rains I wish it was snow.... 2008... after the motorcycle accident and re-learning how to walk and managing to stay current in school...           

Wait For It...

My girlfriend left me for another man. In her defense; she did stay with me through most of my recovery and, as far as I know, she never cheated on me. And, I never really gave her any reason to stay and quite a few to leave. I think I miss our friendship the most.

My hospital expenses (CMS had guaranteed to cover the entire bill) will not be paid because I had student health insurance (that only covered 50K), but, get this; if i had had no insurance at all... the entire bill would have been paid. So, the punishment for being responsible enough to have some health insurance? a $100,000 debt.

I am completely recovered from my motorcycle accident, no pre-existing conditions at all, none whatsoever.

My car was stolen and I had all my business stuff in the trunk... and the insurance had lapsed. I don't even care about the car, but i am upset about being out-of-business. Not that it was a grand business but I had worked really hard to finally get a small fleet account.

So... Yeah... I am alone, in huge debt, my body is perfectly fine, and I have no means of livelihood. too dramatic perhaps? Its not all bad, there are plenty worse things that could have happened... honestly, I am ok being alone. I make the occasional obligatory attempts at romance; but truth be told I am not lonely in love, just alone. Both will change with time, but which first I am not so sure. 

On the matter of debt... if you compare my debt to the National Debt of 10,663,558,917,926; it is only .00000018% (18 hundred millionths of a percent). And my next student loan is this January, so i will still be able to pay my bills... as for my long-term debts, I have little doubt about my ability to earn a living. So, 2008 has not been the best year of my life. In fact, without doubt it has been the worst. But I am alive, and I have good friends and good family. So... 2008 is. Always better than is-not.

I think that I prefer to go through troubled times in winter, so that even when the rain stops and the sun comes out there is still the comforting cold and dark and bitter winter nights with those slivered thumbnail moons; instead of the bright, breezy, lazy, laughing summer. But I can't wait for the summer, by that time I will be ready for it. A good breezy, lazy summer laugh will do me good.

I owe my friends and family a thank you. i know how tough life is sometimes and I respect how much I have been given and taken care of by everyone. They may not be even close to perfect, but I want them all to know that i am thankful for everything they have ever done for me and I want them all to know that I will always forgive any faults or transgressions; I only ask the same of them :) So... My new years resolution: Completely forgive everyone of everything... And no alcohol until, at the absolute soonest, Jan.1st 2010 (Year of the Tiger). I can say in honesty that i have already been a teetotaller for a month. Not even a sip. That means 2009 is going to be a 13 month tough year. I really like beer, and absinthe, and whiskey, and wine, and... its going to be a tough year... but a good one, I can feel it. I had other resolutions to add, but I think these are enough.

(January 2011 Addendum: 2009 was a good one. 2010 was balls. But this year is lookin pretty good)

(Feb. 2012 Addendum: 2011 wasn't bad. 2012 is lookin' even better. To Seattle I go.)

(Jan. 2019 Addendum: 2018-2012. So much has happened. 10 years since the accident. Just had the plate in my arm removed a couple months ago. My jay was there with me, supportive and worried, how did I get so lucky? And, before that? 2018 and 2017 stand out as years of Burning Man, 2016-2014 was notable for working with EV West and 'finishing' the Ural and, 2013 was back in San Diego from Seattle... and 2012 was Seattle. Fell in love 4 times in 10 years... and they were all amazing women)

2020. What the actual fuck.

2021... to be decided.